


The Fillion Conundrum

by PurpleArrowzandLeather



Category: Cars (Movies), Castle, Destiny (Video Games), Firefly, Justice League vs. Teen Titans (2016), Monsters University (2013), Nathan Fillion - Fandom, Serenity (2005)
Genre: BEST SHOW EVER!, Ha ha!, I call it being a Hunter, I've always wanted to do that!, Yay! We're a book club now, Yeeeehaw!, everything is shiny captain, i don't know what happened, it's a business venture, strangeness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 22:00:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17434295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PurpleArrowzandLeather/pseuds/PurpleArrowzandLeather
Summary: Nathan meets himself about seven times....ish. He'll be lucky if nobody gets shot.





	The Fillion Conundrum

**Author's Note:**

> I own none of the listed fandoms and whichever ones I may have missed. This just....... happened, but I refuse to be sorry.

         Nathan is the only one standing in an empty warehouse, looking around curiously at the windows. This feels a lot like a trap, but he’d never, ever admit to being nervous. Still, he got a call to come here, so he figured that he may as well check it out. He’s just settling down at the card table in the middle of the room when he hears something creak. He isn’t a fan of the drafty building. He shoves his hands into the warm pockets of his leather jacket.  

          “A bit chilly?” 

          Nathan jumps, looking around. “Who’s there?” 

          A figure stalks out of the shadows, heavy boots making nary a sound. Odd. Nathan takes in the sight before him, the man covered in leather armor from head to toe. A hood shadows his face, a couple loops of curled fabric twisting around his neck. A long cloak hangs at his ankles, swishing with his steps. Nathan stiffens at the sight of the gun in his hand, the steel grey surface marred with use. White lines and a spade on the barrel catch his eye. It’s only as he steps far enough out of the shadows for Nathan to see his face that he startles.  

          “You’re a robot?” 

          “Exo. There’s a difference.” 

          Just as Nathan might have responded, the Exo raises his weapon, aiming at a dark corner. “I’d step out here a ways if I was you.” 

          There’s a light scraping noise and another man steps out of the shadows. “All right, fella. Let’s not be hasty.”  

          The Exo gestures with his gun. “Have a seat.” 

          He narrows his eyes, hand moving to his weapon. The Exo tightens his grip on his gun, squinting one eye. “I won’t miss. I can promise you that.”  

          The new guy raises his hands in surrender and walks slowly to the table. Nathan stares at his face. “ _What the what_ _?!!_ ” 

          The new arrival looks at Nathan and his eyes widen. “What in this gorram ‘verse is goin’ on here?” 

          Nathan sits slack-jawed for nearly a full minute before trying to answer. “You- I… what? You look like me!” 

          “Who even are you?” 

          “Nathan. Nathan Fillion.” 

          The Exo clears his throat. Well, sort of. “So, Nathan Fillion, and… you’re who, exactly?”  

          “Name’s Malcom Reynolds. Captain of Serenity and-“ 

          “S’cuse me? Hello? Is someone in here, in this mildly creepy warehouse?” 

          Nathan looks up at the ceiling where a kinda cartoon looking guy is hovering. He’s covered in green and he just barely sees a symbol on his chest. “Okay, now who’s that?” 

          Malcom shrugs. “Whoever he is, he sounds just like the three of us.” 

          The Exo takes a seat, putting his gun on the table. Malcom does the same, raising a brow at him. Nathan calls up to the weird guy, and he twists in the air to come join them. He touches down next to Nathan, who is the safest of the three. 

          “Whoa. What is going on here?” 

          The Exo huffs. “Your guess is as good as ours, greenie. My name is Cayde-6, and I’m the Hunter Vanguard from the Tower on earth.” 

          Malcom’s brow furrows. “No, earth-that-was is gone. Long gone. Humans overpopulated it ages ago.” 

          “That’s impossible! I live on earth!” Nathan argues. 

          “Agreed.” Greenie nods. “Earth is in my sector, and nothing ever happened to it.” 

          Malcom huffs, leaning forward and resting his elbows on the table. “Look, fella, as much as I’m inclined to believe  _your_  judgement, you look like you’re about to jump out of an oatie-bar advertisment.” 

          “First off, it’s Hal, not Greenie. And what in Oa’s name is an oatie-bar?” 

          Nathan tilts his head. “Just Hal? Hal what?” 

          “Hal Jordan. I’m a pilot, but I’m also a Green Lantern charged with protecting this galaxy.” 

          Malcom bursts out laughing, more than a little cynical. “Well then, son. Looks like you did a poor ruttin’ job of it. Earth’s been gone a long time.” 

          Lantern glares at him, ready to start swinging when something flashes by. “What was that?” 

          Another flash zips around the table, circling them. 

          “Flash?”  

          Finally, it comes to a stop next to Cayde. “Well, hello. Who are you handsome devils?” 

          Nathan sighs. “And, of course, he looks exactly like us. Well, got a name? Mr. UPS? Brown-coat?” 

          “Hey, don’t you go off bad-mouthin' brown-coats.” Mal answers, his hand moving a bit towards his gun. “I just so happen to be one. Or I was.” 

          “I’m Hermes!”  

          Cayde gives him a funny look, his metal brow lowering. “Ummm, not even close.” 

          “God of messages? Speed, and lies in some cases? I left my old sandals at home, otherwise I could show you the little winged-fellas. They sure are cute.” He pats himself down. “I might have an old… I’ll see if I can find them. Just a sec- nope. Nope.” 

          Cayde pulls his gun from the table, kicking his feet up instead and resting the large weapon in his lap. “Well, since we all either sound the same or look alike, I suppose we should wait and see who shows up next.” 

          Stony silence follows, tensions high between the more paranoid sorts while they wait. Mal and Cayde are restless, hands close to their weapons at all times. Hermes doesn’t seem at all concerned, zipping about the room and filling in coloring books.  

          Sure enough, another one rolls through the door after a couple minutes. “Whoa. Hello? Is this a dream?” 

          Hal chuckles. “We all certainly hope so.” 

          He’s wearing a vest that says “Writer” in large print, the sleeves of his blue dress shirt rolled up out of the way. “Who are you guys?” 

          Cayde and Mal both grumble a little while Nathan does introductions again. Hermes stops just long enough to shake his hand before running back over to the wall where he’s building a castle out of blocks. Where he even got them is anyone’s guess.  

          “Well, I’m Richard Castle, in case you guys were wondering.” he glances over at Mal. “Oh! Space-cowboy!” 

          Mal blinks. “What?” 

          “Space-cowboy. I wore that exact outfit once.” 

          Mal glances down at his red shirt and simple tan pants. “Um, okay? I’m startin’ to think that this whole thing is a ruttin’ joke. We’ve got a robot, two regular fellas, and a vigilante of some sort.” 

          “Did someone say my name?” 

          Hal sighs, turning to the door. “And who have we got this time?” 

          The sound of spurs on boots gets Hal’s attention. The guy looks even more cartoon-like than Lantern, the red bandana covering his mouth and nose and cowboy boots even more comical. He, too, has guns strapped to his hips, definitely fitting in with Cayde and Mal’s side of things. Except the lariat whip over his shoulder. That’s definitely weird. 

          Lantern makes a noise. “Cowboy?” 

          “It’s ‘Vigilante’, thanks. Been a long time, Lantern.” 

          “No kidding.” 

          Nathan looks around their group. “Okay, so are you an alien?” 

          “Nope, just a guy.” 

          Fantastic. Nathan offers him a seat, since there seem to be plenty. The next visitor is a... car? A silver vehicle drives in, the windshield acting as his eyes. The room goes quiet enough that even the crickets aren’t chirping.  

          “Hi! My name is Mr. Sterling...” he trails off, eyes looking over the group who stares blatantly at him. “What are you?” 

          Nathan coughs. “People... mostly.” 

          Before he has a chance to answer, something large and purple trips over the vehicle, crying out in alarm as he flies into the room. “Ahh!  **Humans!!!** ” 

          Mal, Cayde and Vigilante pull their weapons on the beast, their aim steady. “What the-” 

          Nathan bolts to his feet, Castle moving to join him. “Wait, wait! Just stop!” He rushes to put himself between the purple monster and the gun-wielding doubles. “Nobody is shooting anybody! Stop!”  

          Hermes inspects the purple monster. “Hey there, little guy. I’m Hermes. What’s your name?” 

          “Johnny.” 

          “Where are you from?” 

          Hal looks on in astonishment as the weird Hermes guy makes friends with the purple monster from “Monsters University” or whatever. Supposedly, he graduated, but that is neither here nor there. He just finds this whole thing to be utterly ridiculous. The others would never voice their incredulity, but he can almost guarantee that they are having similar thoughts.  

          Hal makes a face. “Is anyone else having trouble with this?” 

          “Trouble?” Mal huffs, the beginnings of a tense laugh leaving his mouth. “I think I’m havin’ a bit more than trouble, buddy. And trust me, I’ve seen my fair share on Serenity.” 

          Hermes perks up at the name. “Wait, as in, the Firefly Serenity?” 

          “That’s her. Best ship in the ‘verse.” 

          That seems to bring the tensions down a little, Cayde and Vigilante settling into their seats.  

          Hermes appears at Mal’s side. “I knew I knew you from somewhere! I mean, aside from just looking like me, but Firefly was like the best show ever! And… of course,  _cancelled_.” He sounds so forlorn, glancing down at the floor.  

          Mal points his gun at Hermes, warning him that his proximity will not be tolerated much longer. “Show? The lives of me an’ mine ain’t a show. That’s life. We gotta make an honest living somehow.” 

          Hermes cackles. “Right.  _Honest_.” 

          “Don’t make me shoot you. You may have a pretty face, but don’t think for one second I won’t end you.” 

          “Flatterer. And I doubt your adorable mortal bullets would do much.” 

          Vigilante cocks a brow, huffing. The car with his voice and the monster are over in the far corner, attempting to remain out of the clamor. He honestly doesn’t know what to think about this motley group. On the one hand, Cayde and Malcom seem like his kind of people, but the rest? Lantern has never been a sociable individual, and he’s never been fond of the guy anyway. Nathan is just weird. And the two in the corner are just…  _weird._  

          He’s considering the merits of leaving just to escape the oddity presented to him. 

          Still, Cayde pulls out a deck of cards to pass the time, so at least they have that going for them. Both Mal and Nathan offer their own decks to account for the amount of players around the table and they start in on a game of poker. Mal takes to swearing in Chinese every other round or so, Cayde laughing as he takes the pot. Nathan eventually wins one, taking the small stack of “glimmer” from Cayde with a grin. It’s not much, the few wadded bills near to it crumpled from his pocket. Mal’s odd laminated currency sits just underneath the bunch of glimmer. Hermes’ scrounged up a pair of sandals, their wings fluttering gently on top of the pile. 

          If they hadn’t believed him before, they do now. 

          Vigilante’s currency has to be the strangest, the sharp pieces of metal shaped like pyramids with curved markings on each side. Hal’s cash is crumpled next to Nathan’s, the edges of his bills torn. Castle’s money is pretty much the same. The monster and the car refuse to play. If it weren’t for the shoes, the pile would be relatively small.  

          They finally decide to stop after about three hours of play, no one else showing up. Nathan looks around, the silence that follows the game ending nearly deafening.  

         “So…. Next week, Thursday?” 

          Cayde is the first one to laugh, pushing back his seat. “If I happen to drop through another interdimensional gateway around then, sure as shootin’, kid.” 

          Mal huffs, getting up and straightening his holster little. ‘I’ve got a life, but I’ll see if the seeming black hole in my closet still works til’ then.” 

          Hermes and Castle share a short look before Hermes disappears. Vigilante, Mal and Cayde look at each other as well before turning and sprinting back into the dark corners that they came from, Cayde’s cloak and Mal’s long shocks of leather flicking behind them. Castle stares at Hal as he flies out through the window, reluctantly agreeing as he mutters about being part of another book club. The car and monster flee as soon as it’s only humans in the room, the car nearly driving over Johnny in his haste.  

          Castle sighs. ‘Well, this was interesting, and I’ll see you when I see you if I’m not busy. This isn’t even the strangest thing to happen to me, sooo, yeah. I’m just gonna go before it gets worse so Beckett doesn’t kill me.” 

          Nathan waves as he leaves, smiling as the last one disappears. 

          He settles down at the card table, kicking his feet up as he pulls out one of his favorite books about Nikki Heat. His holster appears around his hip, the Ace of Spades settling into it softly. He moves his finger a little as a green ring shapes onto it, holding his book accordingly. The red bandanna around Nathan’s neck is soft and worn, his UPS jacket emblazoned with large lettering on the back declaring him a writer as the patch on his sleeve notes him as a proud graduate of Monsters University. The watch that appears on his wrist is sterling silver as his face flashes half-Exo 

          Nathan grins at the silence of the warehouse, licking his finger as he turns a page in his book. Little did they know, he was playing them all.  

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! :P


End file.
